Please be advised that your birthday recognition tribute has been postponed (read moved to a date beyond now) due to an ongoing filibuster in the Ferguson Family budget talks.
Apparently there is a budget
crisis which cannot be cured by invoking the tri-party change tray or by re-aligning the 401 K's with lottery tickets. Even though your birthday is a regularly occurring event, much like the utility bill or the mortgage, there was a fatal lack of foresight in the Planning Committee which has led to the dismissal of its 16 year old chair. “This is a shortfall,” according to the senior CFO, “that fully two thirds of the representative body of Fergusons failed to recognize and which will end MP3 downloads and visits to E-bay as we know them.
While birthday and music disbursements were still in committee, a smaller award for separate studies concerning the effects of global warming on the air conditioning deficit and the Arizona tea supply in the fridge, were approved by a slight majority. Also, between sessions, the members voted remotely to end the Starbucks monopoly in favor of the more economical McDonalds gourmet Arabica bean coffee contract. Said one member who did not wish to be named, “Their Black Ops Latte swayed members who found themselves staying awake far into the night with nothing to do but vote.”
Animated debates between junior members and interns about whether to ban sugar free vanilla syrup in mocha-chinos, on the basis that it is just too stupid to order anything that dumb in a fast food drive through, died in committee.
Said CFO Ferguson, “We expect a positive vote on the current proposed budget, including all birthday and mortgage allocations, by the 15th.”
In other news, my birthday recognition token from you has been received and voted the best birthday gift ever, though no one is sure what to do with the silver rat (?) (I am currently using it to test the IQ of co-workers and as a graphic reminder to the IT guys that they have not nearly completed their ongoing list of ways to bust up a keyboard).
The delicate Flamingo bookmark is exquisite, however, since the last of the real books are gone and last year the family converted to a small sect of an orthodox all Kindle cult, the flamingo book mark is being worn as a hair fascinator. Very vintage fashion forward and edgy for someone who seems to be losing hair as fast as brain synapses. I see it as an "Homage to Borders" type statement that hardly anyone gets now, and no one at all will get about ten minutes from now.
In another note, I think we should continue to develop your idea of Spamming from the Grave, and take it to Shark Tank for underwriting. They once funded a broom with a gum scraper on the end of it so I think we have a shot.
Regrettably, I haven't figured out how we make it pay since the currency of the newly dead is not on any currency converter widget that I can find. But that should not stop us from moving forward as perhaps, under the new Jobs Bill, with an emphasis on "bill," we can get a small business tax break / incentive now.
Until then, please try to have a tribute-free Happy Birthday!
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